Summer of Dad

Disclaimer: This may be a post entirely dedicated to me feeling sorry for myself. You’ve been warned.

Here we are again. Another summer of working while my kids are home with dad because he’s a teacher.

My toddler has been better at loving me lately (see my post from when I was chopped liver), but now that summer has started and he gets to spend every day with dad while I go to work, I fear we’re headed down that path again. It makes me so so sad knowing that I have to miss out on all the summer fun. Granted, I do get ONE week of vacation, but that hardly makes up for the other NINE (!!!!) weeks of working while my husband is home.

No trips to the pool. No running around in the backyard or playing with the water table. No afternoon trips to the ice cream shop. No parks. No bike rides. Nothing. When he looks back on summer vacation, who will he see? Dad (and mom walking out the door).

I know a lot of other moms work during the summer. We can’t all be teachers. It just sucks having a husband who doesn’t, because when your kids are young and you aren’t around as much as dad, they get used to it.

Take this morning. I was leaving for work, and I gave my 3 year old a kiss goodbye, and I said, “Do you want mommy to stay home with you and daddy?” His response? “No. Just daddy. You got to go be by yourself.” By myself. As in not home with the rest of the family. He didn’t care one bit that I was leaving for the day. It really hurt. I know he is young and doesn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but that almost makes it worst. He’s just being honest.

I get a couple hours in the evenings to hang out with my kids, but most of that time is occupied by dinner and bath/bed time. The routine moments, not the super fun ones.

You’d think maybe after a day of being with dad my toddler would be sick of him and want mom to read him his bedtime stories, but no. Still dad.

So far my 7 month old shows no preference, but that might change too.

I will make the most of my summer weekends and one week of vacation, but dad will be there too. I’m not saying I don’t want my husband to be with us! I love him too. I just want my kids to have fun memories with just their mom once in a while. I’m sure there will be a few days of mom-only time, but I know it won’t be enough to make up for all the other days and weeks.

Maybe I should have followed the path I was “supposed” to take and been a teacher too. Sometimes I wish I had, but I didn’t, so here I am—away from my family for 9 hours a day. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my job, but I enjoy my kids more. I just hope they know I’d rather be with them than anywhere else.

Culkin-Banning-quote

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Childcare/Working Woes

I’ve been working since my son was just 6 weeks old. 6 weeks?! I had to put him in daycare, because unfortunately we can’t afford for me to stay home.

Daycare didn’t work out so well, so after 8 months, we got a nanny. She’s been there a couple of weeks, and today I put in a nanny cam. Ugh, wow.

So far today she’s left him to cry in his crib for an hour. She came in a couple times just to pick him up and lay him back down. I just want to scream “HE DOESN’T WANT TO NAP!!!” Maybe the camera was a bad idea, but I’m heart broken seeing him cry for so long.

The camera died (iPad, not an actual camcorder) shortly after that.

Im sick to my stomach over what I saw. Am I overreacting? Should I tell her we have a camera? Maybe she’s not as upset over his cries because he’s not her baby. Maybe she is one of those “cry it out” subscribers. Well I’m not and I wish we were on the same page.

I recently took a personality test at work and turns out I’m not ok with conflict, so I really don’t know how to go about dealing with this.

I just want to be a stay at home mom. On my lunch breaks I go to the park some days and see moms there with their kids. I wish so badly that were me. 😦

Any advice or encouragement is appreciated. TGIF at least!