Summer of Dad

Disclaimer: This may be a post entirely dedicated to me feeling sorry for myself. You’ve been warned.

Here we are again. Another summer of working while my kids are home with dad because he’s a teacher.

My toddler has been better at loving me lately (see my post from when I was chopped liver), but now that summer has started and he gets to spend every day with dad while I go to work, I fear we’re headed down that path again. It makes me so so sad knowing that I have to miss out on all the summer fun. Granted, I do get ONE week of vacation, but that hardly makes up for the other NINE (!!!!) weeks of working while my husband is home.

No trips to the pool. No running around in the backyard or playing with the water table. No afternoon trips to the ice cream shop. No parks. No bike rides. Nothing. When he looks back on summer vacation, who will he see? Dad (and mom walking out the door).

I know a lot of other moms work during the summer. We can’t all be teachers. It just sucks having a husband who doesn’t, because when your kids are young and you aren’t around as much as dad, they get used to it.

Take this morning. I was leaving for work, and I gave my 3 year old a kiss goodbye, and I said, “Do you want mommy to stay home with you and daddy?” His response? “No. Just daddy. You got to go be by yourself.” By myself. As in not home with the rest of the family. He didn’t care one bit that I was leaving for the day. It really hurt. I know he is young and doesn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but that almost makes it worst. He’s just being honest.

I get a couple hours in the evenings to hang out with my kids, but most of that time is occupied by dinner and bath/bed time. The routine moments, not the super fun ones.

You’d think maybe after a day of being with dad my toddler would be sick of him and want mom to read him his bedtime stories, but no. Still dad.

So far my 7 month old shows no preference, but that might change too.

I will make the most of my summer weekends and one week of vacation, but dad will be there too. I’m not saying I don’t want my husband to be with us! I love him too. I just want my kids to have fun memories with just their mom once in a while. I’m sure there will be a few days of mom-only time, but I know it won’t be enough to make up for all the other days and weeks.

Maybe I should have followed the path I was “supposed” to take and been a teacher too. Sometimes I wish I had, but I didn’t, so here I am—away from my family for 9 hours a day. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my job, but I enjoy my kids more. I just hope they know I’d rather be with them than anywhere else.

Culkin-Banning-quote

I’m Terrified to Nurse My Son

It’s true. After 6 months of a successful breastfeeding relationship, I am now scared to nurse my baby, and here’s why.

Over the past several days his eating habits have changed. He was getting distracted and it was hard to get him to latch on for any length of time, and I get that. He would eventually settle and eat. He is also VERY interested in solid food, and it seems he would rather eat that.

But now? He’s teething.

I am honestly scared to death to put my nipple in his mouth, because I know as soon as I do, those sharp little barely-there teeth will feel like daggers crushing the most sensitive area on my body. It takes everything in me not to scream at him every time, and it’s literally EVERY TIME he nurses these days. I was legit sweating this morning when it came time to feed him because I was so scared, and he bit me THREE TIMES.

vbaby

Disclaimer: not my actual baby

I suppose I could just pump and bottle-feed him, but I pump all day at work and would just rather not. Plus, when it’s early in the morning and my breasts are engorged and he’s crying, who has time for that?! I just hope he stops teething soon, because my poor girls have had enough.

He also has a hard time taking a bottle because he chews on that too. His milk intake has drastically decreased over the past few days, but he is still content and has wet diapers so I am hopeful everything is still ok.

*Sigh*

This is just another one of those wonderful phases that will come and go. I just hope it goes soon!

The Event Horizon

You know when you’re out all day, specifically at a park or the lake or someplace kid-friendly, and you spend the whole day out and about? There’s no time for a sit down break, let alone a nap. You eat lunch on the go; there are always lots of people around. It’s beyond hot, but your kids don’t notice.

You make it to dinnertime, and your kids are clearly famished because they barely paused for a sip of water all day. They eat as fast as possible then still somehow want to play, because they didn’t get to blow bubbles yet, or play with the cars long enough, or just. Be. Loud.

Then it’s time to leave and head home, and this is it.

You’ve reached The Event Horizon—the point of no return. The time of day when it’s too late for a nap, but not quite bedtime, and everyone is beyond tired.

You know there’s no chance your toddler will head to the car without a fight. You try to get him to hug and kiss everyone goodbye, but he is just done. Done with listening, done with being nice, DONE.

You strap him into the car, load up the weeks worth of stuff you brought for the day, and get out of there as fast as you can because you know if you don’t, that overtired scene will happen in front of everyone, and you’d rather it happen in the privacy of your own home.

The kids fall asleep within 5 minutes of driving, because of course. It’s a nice peaceful ride home, and you think maybe they’ll just stay asleep for the night. They’re clearly exhausted, why wouldn’t they?

Then you get home and they wake up. Let the games begin.

Your husband takes your already crying toddler to the bath (god bless him), while you try and nurse a sweaty tired baby who wants NONE OF THAT. It’s too hot. He’s teething. He doesn’t want to eat or sleep. He doesn’t even want you to rock or cuddle him. WHAT DOES HE WANT?!

You can hear your toddler screaming BLOODY MURDER in the bathroom. The baby can also hear him, which is probably why he’s crying now too, and for a moment you think “This is it. This is the day I lose all my shit.”

The baby settles somewhat, so you put him in the crib to check on the toddler. He is screaming, “I can’t stop! I can’t stop!” (crying that is). He’s throwing stuff, he’s mad that he didn’t get to brush his teeth even though he literally just did, and keeps saying he wants to give grandpa a kiss goodbye since he refused to an hour before, even though grandpa is clearly nowhere in sight. You try and get him to focus for a minute so you can put his pajamas on, but this thing in front of you no longer resembles your child. You are certain he’s possessed.

overtired

Your husband says he can handle things while you go back to the fussy baby (Good luck, honey).

Eventually, the kids are miraculously asleep and you can breathe. You made it through The Event Horizon; from that overtired warzone to the blackness of sleep. You are a survivor. You’ve lived to see another day and you tell yourself that can’t happen again, but you know it will. It always does. Summer hasn’t even officially started yet, after all.

So until next time, savor the routine days and nights while you can. Days of both you and your kids knowing it’s bedtime, and getting there without much fuss. And most of all, try and get some sleep.