WARNING: This may be a full post of complaining that has nothing to do with motherhood.
Too often I find myself thinking “why can’t my life be like that?” The ‘that’ being anything from a person/celebrity to a certain job to a specific lifestyle. I think I’m just bored, and that boredom isn’t that my life is boring, but my career. Seeing as I spend most of my time at work, thus most of my life at work, it sort of does mean my life is boring, but I hate to say that because I have a toddler who keeps me more than entertained and a husband who I have fun with. I just wish we did more. We don’t travel because we don’t have the money. We don’t go out places much anymore because of our son/we only have one babysitter. The only time we really take trips are when we need to go see our family/friends’ life events. We never go anywhere just to go. JUST FOR FUN.
Don’t get me wrong. We have fun. We laugh a lot. We play. We do see friends about every other weekend (usually our neighbors so we can bring our son/because our baby monitor extends to their house), and we have drinks and play games. It’s just why can’t there be more? More to life than a job you don’t really like but are obligated to go to so you can pay the bills. More than the nightly routine of cooking dinner, bathing the kids, and going to bed. More than weekends filled with errands and catching up on things you don’t have time for during the week.
I think what got me thinking this way is when my cousin posted on facebook “what would be the first thing you would do if TIME and MONEY weren’t an issue?” and that’s just it. Time and money are an issue. They’re THE issue. We don’t go places because we can’t afford it, financially and through time off of work. We don’t go out because we don’t have time because our son needs to go to bed by 7:30. We don’t fix all the things that need fixing because we don’t have the money just yet. I stopped watching HGTV not because I got sick of watching it, but because it depressed me seeing beautiful home makeovers that I will never be able to afford.
So what can change all of this? I’m not sure. I keep hoping I’ll have an epiphany and figure out exactly what I love doing that I can make my living with enough money to do everything I want to do, with enough time to actually do it. That would be my ultimate dream (if I can never be a stay-at-home mom). That or win the lottery. Until then, I guess this is it.
I know that we have a child and he’s doing all this stuff and learning new things and we get to have birthday parties and play and do all these fun activities, but there will be a limit to that fun. I want our child(ren?) to have awesome memories and I want to be able to take them places so they aren’t left wondering “I wonder what that place is like?” I want to buy them a swing set and bikes and gadgets and not worry about the cost. I want to have more than one child! But right now daycare alone would be too much.
Maybe I want too much. I have everything I NEED. I have a roof over my head. A job that lets me pay for things. I have a car. I have food to eat. I just get sick of the monotony of it all. I want less worry. I want excitement. I want a life that other people want.
Someday. I think you get my point.
Life is what you make it though, right? If you can afford it…
I think I’m getting my period. Disregard everything I just said and go about your more optimistic business.